The Pessimist’s Guide to Literary Wedding Toasts

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. - P.J. O’Rourke  

Weddings can suffer from all manner of pitfalls, but of primary interest to me is the literary reading, which everyone seems to do, and lots of people do wrong. Call me a snob, or a purist, or yes, an abject, black-eyed, joy-consuming pessimist, but some people seem not to understand there are certain ways literary readings should be done—and certain ways they must not be done. So as a public service, in case you are about to be wed, or about to perform a poetry reading at a friend’s wedding, or are considering getting up and giving an impromptu toast of a quasi-literary persuasion: some tips.
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