Monday, March 05, 2007

The Top 10 Sentences From 3rd Rate SF Stories

For all I know these could be real. I've never been a fan of the genre (although in high school I sometimes pretended to be to impress adolescent male SF geeks).

10. As he was led to die in an arcane alien ritual, Tank McPhoton tried one last time to apologize. How was he to know that what he took to be an extended hand of friendship which he gripped firmly and shook vigorously was actually the Supreme Ruler’s private parts?
9. Frank watched the mushroom cloud spread across the horizon with annoyance, knowing that this meant more weeks of disruption to regular cross-Manhattan train service while the debris was cleared.
8. As the F-AB-603 Klydor-class Imperial Interceptor star ship dropped out of hyperspace and entered orbit around planet 827Evad, the glow of the blue star Ensyiarrar cast a shadow of Commodore Acthulio’s hand hovering over the self-destruct button.
7. I lived on the land, she lived in the water. It gave shore leave a whole new meaning. Or the same old meaning, except with bigger crabs.
6. As one, the Spacemarines stood up, raised their spacerifles in salute, then marched out the spacedoors to the spacedock, where their spaceship was waiting to boldly take them where they’d all been before: Space!
5. You could tell it was a real UFO because there weren’t any wires holding it up and it smelled like outer space.
4. The red dwarf just kept looking smaller, and redder, somehow; until Klep-Graknezz could hardly tell if it was Doc, Grumpy, or Sneezy he’d been arguing with about the ray gun’s misfire. 3. Frodo felt his BVDs moisten with fear.
2. She was a tentacled Squid and I was a horny Toad, but our species didn’t matter. We married and soon there were little horny suckers running all over the place.

And the Number 1 Sentence From a Third-Rate SF Story …

1. Snarp wasn’t sure just *what* he was looking at; it seemed humanoid, though the features and limbs were laid out in strangely peculiar ways. No matter, he was pretty sure he could still have sex with it.

Via Cynical-C

No comments: